Friends; sincere. From my maddening heart.

I don't think I'm a naive person. Sure, I haven't seen the worst of the shit the world has on hand, ready to destroy any fifty-million lives it wants, any time it wants, but I feel I'm open-minded enough to see what's right before my own eyes and judge accordingly. I don't think I'm naive. But it's hard to be sure.

Things with my ex-girlfriend Jill are, obviously, tense. A little crazy. I don't know how many people go through the kind of situation we're in, let alone how many remain friends afterwards. It's... difficult. I mean, I know I'm quite vulnerable at the moment and having someone as close as Jill is to me in proximity is both a blessing and a curse.

If I'm having a hard time, she's always shown support. A bright, courageous support. I would be a lot more mopey right now if she wasn't there for me. But it has it's drawbacks, as one might imagine. I still have very strong feelings for her, and letting them ease back down to friendly terms is far easier said than done. Every moment I'm being helped back to my feet by her I'm reminded of why I'd fallen down. [I'll try and keep that my only open foray into symbolism].

On the one hand, I'm happy that she's out there, having fun with her friends. It's what she needs to do. But on the other hand, it brings up parts of me better left behind. Jealousy, over-protectiveness. I consider myself a reasonable person, but those feelings creep up when I go to bed a four in the morning and her bed is empty. I know I'm just over-thinking, it's too soon. The space is good. Sometimes I don't think it is, but the sensible part of myself know it is.

I took down the posters tonight, and my paintings. Jill told me it's hard to be home when home is so reminiscent of myself. Maybe she'll hang out a 'lil more? I miss her. I really do.

Friends; if you need a hand, take mine.

if you're stranded, take my ride.

if you're panicked, stand by my steady side.

I'll see you through to the end.

Just don't break my heart.